I’m having sex with my babyfather’s co-worker

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column whenever I am unable to purchase a copy of THE STAR, I feel miserable. Sometimes I read your column online. I am a 23-year-old woman and life has not been very good to me. I got pregnant when I was 18 years old. The man told me that he loved me and he would want us to become friends and he would marry me if I agreed to become pregnant by him, because his mother told him that he should never marry a woman unless he knows that she could have a child.

This was the first man for me, so he took my virginity and we did not use any protection when having sex. So I got pregnant for him and I am the mother of a girl child.

This man was working in a hotel; I did not know that he had other women. He supports his daughter but he did not give me anything for me to support myself and whenever I needed money I had to agree to have sex with him and he still did not want to use any protection, so I told him that I do not want to have any more children and whenever I talk to him about us getting married he said that I should wait.

After I had our daughter, a man who works at the same place with him told me he got another girl pregnant and this man was trying to become intimate with me. I told him "once bitten, twice shy". He said this man had other women so why can't I have another man with him.

One day, I was very hungry and we had used up everything in the house, so I decided to call this man. I got ready and I asked my mother to keep the baby.

It was the first time I behaved as a bad girl. This man took me to a lonely spot and by the time he parked the vehicle, he was all over me. He said that he was in a hurry because the car was not his and he had to take it back to the owner.

From the time he parked the vehicle, it don't take him a minute to pull down my underwear and to have sex with me. I was still dry but I asked him when he inserted in me, how much money he was going to give me and he said after he finished. He was so anxious that I did not have to do much.

He discharged quickly in me and he said, "I come already", and I told him that I was sorry to know that he came so soon. He was upset with himself but he gave me six thousand dollars and instead of dropping me home, he dropped me at the supermarket not far from where I live.

I wasn't thinking that this man could have gotten me pregnant, but I did not get pregnant although he did not use a condom.

I bought some groceries and I took them home to my mother so that my mother and father and myself were able to have a Sunday dinner and I also bought something's for the child.

Later that Sunday evening my child's father dropped by and brought me some money and at the same time was asking me if I can give him a piece. I told him no and he cursed bad word and said he would starve me and I said to myself, you will not starve me.

During the week I called back the other guy who had sex with me and I told him I would like to see him again, but he has to take me to his home. I did not want to have sex with him in a vehicle. He told me his girlfriend lives at his home so he could not take me there, but we could go to a hotel. I went to a hotel with him and I walked with a box of condom. When my mother saw that I was getting dressed, she warned me not to get involved with a man and bring home another belly.

So this guy and I have been having sex, but my child's father who works at the same hotel with him does not know.

He gave me six thousand dollars, but the first time he oral me, I got more.

I never knew that I would be facing problems with men, but this man who promised that he would marry me has not kept his word and I feel so sad about that. He has caused me to be bad.

Do you see me as a bad girl?

M.B.,

Dear M.B.,

You did not mention how old the man who took your virginity and eventually impregnated you was. He was a wicked man. He knew he had other women but he lied to you to have his way with you and because you believe that he was telling the truth.

You did not insist that both of you should use protection. You allowed him to have unprotected sex with you. Yes, he was indeed very wicked and this man realised that he could not support you and support his other girls at the same time, so you were grateful when one of his co-workers told you that he has other women.

The problem is you became involved with his co worker. You found yourself in need so you called him and he took up the challenge and started to have a relationship with you. You know that from experience that when a person is hungry, he or she is likely to do anything to get money. So when this man picked you up, you were not even thinking that he too could impregnate you.

Let me say, I am glad that you did not get pregnant. But now the both of you are having sex regularly you are using protection. You told the man after you had sex the first time that you do not wish to make love in a vehicle, but he told you he was living with his girlfriend so he cannot take you to his home. So now you know that this man has a woman at home and that you are having sex with him and that you have become his "side chick''.

You are going to have to find yourself a job and you should also insist that your child's father supports his child. That may mean you might have to consider taking him to court.

If you don't have a skill, I beg you try and contact the Heart Trust and they will give you guidance.

Please do not allow yourself to be used by "Tom, Dick and Harry". I don't consider you to be a bad girl, you are just an unfortunate girl. Take good care of yourself.

Pastor