Think my boyfriend is cheating on me

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am living at home with my parents and two siblings. I have a 15-year-old sister and a 17-year-old brother.

My parents are hard-working people. I started to have boyfriends when I was 16. One day, my mother asked me if I was having sex and I told her no. She told me that I cannot fool her because she saw signs on my underwear that I had sex. She threatened to tell my father, and I did not comment further. I told myself that if my father should ask me the same question, I would admit it to him.

I told my boyfriend that he should make it easier for me by visiting me at the house, but he should do so on a Saturday evening when my father was at home. My mother goes to church on a Saturday. My boyfriend came by when my father was working on his car. I introduced him to my father, who questioned him a lot while I stood there. Then my father said to him, "I hope you are not going to spoil my daughter; I spent a lot of money on her." He also asked him whether he had sisters, and my boyfriend told him yes. My father said, "Would you be happy if a man got your sister pregnant?" and my boyfriend said, "No, sir." My father said, "Well, I am not ready for any grandchildren as yet; my daughter is still going to school. I don't have any objection to her having a boyfriend, but she is not ready for sex as yet." My heart began to beat fast.

My father told him that we could go out together, but he would have to bring me home by 10 p.m. and he agreed. After that, they talked about cars, and I excused myself. When he was leaving, my mother was coming home. They met at the gate, so I introduced him to my mother and she smiled and told him that she was glad to meet him.

This man is not Jamaican. He is here attending university. He has become a good friend of my father, but recently he got involved with another girl who is attending university and he has been ignoring me. Whenever I call him, he does not respond right away. He tells me that he is busy. I told him that he has to make up his mind if he wants the girl or if he would prefer to have me. He has not responded as yet. So I am asking you, as a counsellor, what should I do?

This man has rented a one-bedroom place and he has taken me there, and I know that he has taken the other girl there, too. I am so upset with him. I don't know what to do.

Y.W.

Dear Y.W.,

You need to focus on school and work towards getting a profession.

This young man you consider to be your boyfriend is unlikely to marry you in the future if you don't have a profession. You say he is at university and he is having a relationship with another student. I hate to break news to you, but I will. It is likely that the relationship he is having with this girl will grow, and after he has completed his studies at the institution, he may marry her before returning to his homeland, and you will be left in the cold. So break up with this man now. He will only use you and dump you.

Pastor