Dad got a truckload of ‘bun’ from mom

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old. I live with my father in the United States of America. My parents have two of us. I have an older brother who is also living in America but not with my father and me. My mother calls me my father's pet.

My father and mother did not get along well. He was always accusing her of having other men in her life. He said that it was going on for a long time. I defended my mother because my father is of light complexion and his people didn't like her because she was dark skinned.

I came to realise that my father was right. After he left us for one week and was in Jamaica, the very next day after he left America, my mother went out with one of her boyfriends. I went to stay with a friend. My friend's mother used to chat a lot. She asked me if my mother had gone with my father, and I told her no. She said that my mother would have time to carry on with her friends. I asked my friend what her mother meant, and she said that some people believed that my mother had boyfriends. My father called the house and could not find my mother, so he called me and asked me where she was. I told him that she had gone out. He asked me with whom, and I told him the name I heard, and he started to curse and called my mother a whore. I didn't like what I was hearing, but he said he was going to "f" up this man and my mother. So I told my mother what my father said.

When my father came back from Jamaica, she was afraid. He was still angry. He told my mother to pack her things and leave. I had to call friends to come and talk to my father. I asked my brother if he knew that my mother had had affairs, and he said yes, and my father was not lying on her. What made it bad for us as children was that one of the men that my mother was having an affair with was a relative's husband. My aunt had nothing to do with my mother. My mother's excuse was that my father was too arrogant and he did not want her to go anywhere.

People said that this man got my mother pregnant and she had to throw away the belly. At that time, my father had a Green Card, so he left my mother. Soon after, I went to do my interview to get my card. I have tried to be close to my mother, but to this very day as I write, my mother is still carrying on with other men. My father is constantly warning me to be careful and not to conduct myself the way my mother does with her life.

I have one boyfriend, and I don't know of him going with any other woman. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married very soon. He gets along very well with my father, but he has never met my mother.

R.

Dear R.,

Some women are very faithful to their men, but some are not, just like some men are very faithful to their wives, but some are not.

You were staying at your friend's house, and in that home, people believed that your mother was not faithful to your father, and they talked about it. Perhaps they wanted you to hear what they knew. You seem to enjoy living with your dad, but you also have a fairly new relationship with your mother. It is better for your mother and father to be living apart because by doing so, they are not at each other's throats, so to speak. I hope that the time may come when your father will forgive your mother for all the things he has accused her of doing. Perhaps she may never want to go back to live with him, but one cannot tell.

Make sure you spend time studying, and make sure you get yourself a profession. Sometimes couples separate for a long time and then come back together. If your parents never get back together, let them know that you still love and care for them.

If your mother has a sexual problem, she should go to a clinical psychologist or one who is qualified in clinical counselling for help.

Pastor