Stepfather nearly chopped my boyfriend

June 02, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. I am living with my mother and stepfather. He is not working, and my mother does higglering.

Everything is so expensive now, so she is having a most difficult time. I am working, but I am not taking home much. I have to rely on my boyfriend and he has three children with another girl, so he has his hands full.

My stepfather does not want my boyfriend to visit me at all. He does not like him. My mother doesn't have any problem with him. But because of my stepfather's attitude, they have had harsh words with each other. My boyfriend told him one day that it appeared to him that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me. My stepfather drew his cutlass and my boyfriend had to run. So from that day, he has not come near the house.

I told my boyfriend that he was wrong to say that to my stepfather, but he said he was just tired of my stepfather's foolish behaviour. Sometimes, had it not been for my boyfriend's help, the rent would have gone unpaid. Although my boyfriend has three children, there are times when he has had to assist me in paying the rent. So why can't he come to the house? He is not a criminal.

I would love to go back to school, but I cannot afford the fees at present. It bothers me to know that I have a boyfriend who is of great help to me, but he cannot visit me because of my stepfather. What do you think I can do?


Dear U.T.,

Your boyfriend has to learn to weigh his words, and to always be respectful to seniors. He should not have cursed your stepfather.

What he said to him was not something your stepfather would take lightly, and your stepfather will always remember what he said to him. I am going to suggest that you take the initiative to bring your stepfather and your boyfriend together. I know it is likely that your boyfriend is going to say that he is a big man and your stepfather is trying to talk to him like he is a boy.

All the things that he would mention might be true, but that does not give him the right to curse your stepfather and to insult him. So I would like to suggest that he take some time to swallow his pride and both of you sit with your stepfather. Your boyfriend should tell him that he is sorry for what he said and he would like to apologise to him. If your stepfather refuses to listen and says he doesn't want to hear anything from him, your boyfriend should remain quiet and allow your stepfather to vent his feelings.

You should not argue with your stepfather, either. But whenever it is possible, you may quietly ask your stepfather at what hour he would allow your boyfriend to visit you, and tell him that you would work with that.

Perhaps you might have to get another job and save enough to go back to school. Right now it does not appear that your boyfriend can be of help to you with that.


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