Girlfriend tricked me into sleeping with her

Dear Pastor,

I recently met a young woman with whom I started a relationship. I dropped my old girlfriend because this new person is in the church, and she was serious about me. She is very pretty. When I turned 25, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told her all I wanted was truthfulness and loyalty because my old girlfriend was not truthful or loyal. She said I would find her to be loyal and she would never let me down.

I introduced her to my mother who told me that she likes her, but I should be careful. This girl does not have any children. When I met her, she told me that she didn't have a boyfriend because her church does not encourage single women to have boyfriends unless they are going to marry them. She told me she would love to get married. I told her that we should try and get to know each other better.

We had a private party for my 25th birthday. She told me to get to her house at 5 p.m. When I looked at her, I knew that she was up to something. She was wearing shorts and no bra. I asked where the guests were, and she reminded me that it was a private party. I began to recognise that only two of us were going to be at the party. It was the first time that I was going to hear the truth about her. I did not know that she was older than me. She is two years older than I am.

After she showered, she served dinner. She lit scented candles and started to play very romantic music. I enjoyed my time with her. We had champagne and cake. And the more we drank, the more I got things out of her. She told me how she started to attend church and from the time she met me, she started to backslide in her heart. She thinks about me in a sexual way every day. She said she had not had sex for two years and she was going crazy over me. Her eyes were like fire.

She wanted me in bed. I had made a vow that I would not have sex until both of us are married, but this girl caused me to break my vows. We went into her bedroom, and I lost control of myself. I did not have protection. In the bedroom she took control of me. I ejaculated fast. Both of us were there until I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw her staring at me. I told her I was sorry, but I should go home. She said I did not need to go home. She wanted more, so we had more sex and listened to more music.

I do not know what to believe or what to do because she told me about two weeks ago that she thinks that she is pregnant. She said that if that is the case, she would like to get married before her pregnancy starts to show. She is in a very big job. She earns more money than me.

What would you suggest that I do? I told my mother that I think I have got her pregnant and my mother told me that she is longing for a grandchild, but I must be careful thinking that I got her pregnant when it is for another man. We have been having sex almost every night, and I can say I partially live with her now.

Please help me. Whatever you say I should do, I will do.

V.D.

Dear V.D.,

I have never heard of this type of birthday party. Your girlfriend did not invite anyone of your friends to attend or any of hers. She prepared for you and herself only. She planned well and you were excited to attend the party as guest of honour. The champagne, I guess, was not cheap. It was a candlelight affair. She did not order dinner. She cooked. I guess that was to prove to you that she could cook. She prepared for you. It was a night you will never forget. She even wanted to become pregnant. That is why she did not have any protection ready. This girl saw you as a mighty good catch. That is why she told you that from the time you attended her church, she has been thinking about you every day.

She believes now that she is pregnant. All her desire is to be with you, and not to attend church anymore. Your mother told you to be careful that this woman is telling you the truth about herself. Well, both of you should check this thing out with a doctor. It is not going to be difficult to know if she is pregnant. In addition, a DNA test will tell you whether you are the biological father. And if you are, you should support the child.

If you love her enough to marry her, do so. You have already put yourself into hot, hot water. I wish you well.

Pastor