My sister regrets leaving home to live with babyfather

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old girl and I am living at home with my parents. I have two sisters; one of them is 19 and she left home because she got pregnant.

My father cursed the man and told him that he didn't want to see him come to his gate. So my sister left home and told my father that if he didn't want to see this man, then she would leave because she had to see him. My father told her that he was not running her, but if this man had a daughter he wouldn't want a man to get her pregnant.

My mother cried when she saw my sister packing. My sister always liked to be in the limelight. She always had boyfriends and she likes to party. She started to have sex when she was 16. As sisters, we used to talk about boyfriend and sex and which guy was good and which ones were not so good. Since she had the baby, my mother has been to see her many times, but my father doesn't know. Her babyfather is worthless. He is not working and whenever my mother visits, she takes food. I can't let my father know that; he would be very upset with my mother. The guy smokes ganja and my father knows.

I am trying to do well in school because I would love to become a nurse, and I would like to move my parents from the area in which we live. My sister said her boyfriend has changed; he still smokes ganja, but not daily. Sometimes he hustles in the street. His main job is to load country buses. Sometimes I pass him and I behave as if I don't know him. My father said that he would send my sister back to school, but he does not want to see her boyfriend at his house.

Pastor, I have a boyfriend. He is 10 years older than I am. He gives me money and there are times I have to help my sister to buy Pampers and baby food. She is struggling. She told me that when her baby gets older, she is going to leave her boyfriend and come home. She also told my mother. I don't know if my father would accept her because he said she should not have left the house.

I have saved a lot of money since I started having a relationship with my boyfriend. I told my mother about him, but I have not said a word to my father. My father still believes that I am a virgin, but my mother knows better. I want to do nursing in either America or Canada. My mother's sister lives in Canada. But my father's sister in New York wants me to come there. She is living with a man and she says he is very fussy, but she would love me to live with her.

I don't know what advice you can give me, but I don't want to stay in Jamaica. My boyfriend says that if I leave, he knows that that would be the end of our relationship and he doesn't think he can deal with that. Help me to make a decision.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

I am very sorry to hear that your sister got pregnant, and because your father does not like the man, she was forced to leave home.

However, I hope that in the days ahead, your father will be willing to welcome your sister back home. She made a mistake when she told your dad that if her boyfriend is not welcome at the house, she would leave and she walked out. Your father was disappointed, but he did not tell her to leave.

I hope that you would continue to be very careful and that you would not allow your boyfriend to get you pregnant. You have indicated that you are with him partly because you have financial needs, and sometimes you share what you get with your sister. Your sister's boyfriend should seek a good job. In fact, he should try and get some training from HEART and stop the hustling on the street. That is not safe. Your parents will never be proud of him. So tell your sister to encourage him to contact HEART, and to discuss what area of training he would love to get.

Please do not leave school and bounce around. If you would like to study abroad as you have indicated, they will accept you, but in Canada, for example, the standard is high; so be prepared to work hard.

Your boyfriend does not want you to leave, but you have to be concerned about your future. If your boyfriend loves you, he would be glad to know that you are an ambitious woman and going abroad does not have to be the end of the relationship.

Pastor