Babyfather is angry that I want to use condoms

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for some advice. I am 23and I am living with my son's father. Two weeks after I gave birth, this man started harassing me for sex. My mind was not even on sex.

I was trying to get over the trauma of having a child. He harassed me constantly and then he stopped. One night he waited until I fell asleep and I later realised that he was playing with my vagina. I woke up and pulled away from him. I asked him what he was doing and he said he wasn't doing anything bad; he was just playing with me. I started to curse and my sister who was staying with us heard us arguing and knocked on the door. She asked us what happened and I told her. She told him that she was surprised that he wouldn't even give me time to heal properly. He told my sister that he didn't see any sign that I was not properly healed and he wouldn't penetrate me deeply.

My sister told me that I could come and stay with her and sleep on her bed. My boyfriend started to curse my sister and she cursed him back. In the morning, she packed her bag and told me she was leaving. She was here helping me with everything and I was trying to get some rest. My sister left and when my babyfather left for work the following day, I went to my parents' house to stay with my mother.

I called my babyfather and told him where I was and he showed up. My father told him to leave his yard and he started to argue with my father. My dad told him that he would chop him up if he didn't leave, so he left. I stayed at my parents' home for four weeks. During that time, he kept calling me and telling me that he was sorry for his behaviour and that I should come home. So, I went. He reasoned with me calmly and I asked him if he had gone with any other woman and he said no, but he had to masturbate.

My mind was not focused on sex. My mother told me what to do so I followed her advice. I was afraid to have sex with this man, but I told him that he would have to buy the condom and he said that I knew that he did not like to use it. But I told him that was the only way we could have sex. I bought what my mother suggested. My son is one year old. This man wants us to stop using the condom, but I told him that if he stops, I am going to leave him because I want to go back to school and I don't want to get pregnant any time soon. I am going back to school and my mother is keeping the baby. His behaviour has caused a strain in the relationship with my family, especially my father. My father does not speak to him any more.

A.B.

Dear A.B.,

Some men do not believe that they should allow their women who have given birth to heal emotionally, psychologically and even physically.

Although there is no specific number of weeks or months that a woman should abstain from sex after giving birth, some doctors say that a woman may be able to resume having sex after six weeks, but others may give a longer period of time. Some men behave as if they do not have self control and if they are not able to make love to their women, they are going to die. That is the way your child's father behaves.

Your father had the right to stand up for you and to curse your child's father. Yes, your child's father did not behave like a grown man who could have controlled himself.

I am glad that you have returned to school. You have not said what you are studying, but I wish you well. You are a young woman; try to get a good education. You are going to need it. I have often said that a woman can lose out on men, but she can't lose in having a good education.

Pastor