I don’t trust my boyfriend - He is a liar and a cheat

January 20, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. I am a 24-year-old mother of two beautiful children. They have different fathers. My daughter's father and I have been together for almost two years.

We moved so fast at the beginning of the relationship. We were talking for only four months before I got pregnant. I moved in with him a month before I got pregnant. Everything was perfect until the day I saw a message in his phone. The person was telling him that she can't stop thinking about him.

Pastor, I got nervous when I read the message. He said they were not in a relationship, but she keeps his company when I'm sleeping at nights. I decided to forgive him. After we talked, we agreed that he would block her. A couple of months after, I was admitted to the hospital. I told him that I was going to lend him money to buy a phone as his phone was stolen. But I couldn't give him all the money I had. He got money from the same girl to purchase a phone. They were on the phone on New Year's night, while I was in the hospital calling him, without getting an answer. We discussed the matter again. After that, they finally stopped contacting each other, and I stopped trusting him. If he says the sky is blue, I go outside and check.

He's a great father to his daughter and, sometimes, my son. He said that he is not doing anything, but I don't trust him. His ex-girlfriend called him to be her child's godfather and he said yes. I was disappointed and upset. When she called, he said it was his brethren. I recently searched his phone and found out that he was asking a woman when he could see her. He works in Kingston, so he stays on base until his downtime. On his days off, he comes home. I see him as a liar and a cheater. Sometimes when I search his phone I don't find anything, but I know he is deleting stuff. He considers cheating as only having sex with someone else. I also saw him asking another girl to video call him, so he can see her using her sex toy.

Pastor, I really love this man. Should I put all this aside and continue with him? Am I too jealous? Am I asking for too much? Am I too insecure? Should I leave the relationship? I am looking forward for your response.


Dear K.P.,

Perhaps this man and you moved too fast. The relationship was just sexual. It could have been lust instead of love, and to make matters worse, you got pregnant only a few months after starting a relationship. If you had got to know this man, you would not have been surprised at what you discovered after you started living with him. This man is a girl's man. He is not having sexual relations with you alone. You know what is going on because you constantly search his phone. You are being very silly by searching his phone. I suppose you would say that you are searching his phone because you want to know what is going on. But you already know what is going on. You cannot call this man yours because he is sharing 'his stuff' with other women, and it is not likely that he would stop.

This man is a liar, and you don't know what he is saying to some of the other girls with whom he is having sexual relations. He should be ashamed to tell you that a woman is keeping his company while you are asleep. What he is telling you is that he does not love you. He is only with you in body, but his heart is not with you. This man is behaving like a wiggling worm. He did not have time to spend with you in the hospital, but he had time to be with other women on the phone, and perhaps doing otherwise. I see no future in this relationship. I suggest that you make plans to leave this man. You can't take his word, and he may get you pregnant again. But that does not mean that he would never marry you. If he makes you his wife, you will have to agree and share him with other women. That's the way I see it. You are jealous, and you have a right to feel insecure because he is not a good man. Get out of this relationship as soon as you can.


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