Relatives think I should tell my boyfriend everything

November 16, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a very long time. I have even kept old publications, and I always quote what you have said when some of my friends and I are discussing certain topics. I grew up with my father, my aunt and one brother. My mother left my father when I was a child. She went away and never came back.

When I was nine years old, I met my mother. All the time that she was away, she was hoping to get married and get her papers, and send for me. That is what she told me. My father was not going to make me go. My mother eventually got her papers, but I am not interested in going away. I have a boyfriend. He is in the police force. He treats me well. Some people say policemen are 'wild', but I don't know my boyfriend to be wild. I always know where he is. My father loves him. He and my aunt also get along well. Whenever I want to do anything, my father and aunt will ask me if I told him my plans. I ask them why should I tell him. They say that I should tell him because he is my boyfriend, and when a girl has a man he should know what is going on. Do you believe in that?

I am now 23 years old. My boyfriend says that if I want to go away I shouldn't do so now, I should wait until after we are married. I am trying to do a degree in business, and my boyfriend is very helpful. Since I met him, I have never cheated on him. He told me he has never cheated on me, and I believe him.

Y.M.

Dear Y.M.,

I hope that you will not regret not allowing your mother to file for you and to get you to live in America with her. Perhaps you are annoyed with her because she left you as a child and went to live in America, but she tried to explain the reason why she did so. Now that you are an adult and you have a boyfriend, you feel on top of the world, so to speak, and you do not want to leave your boyfriend and go abroad. I hope that this man will never disappoint you. He is telling you what he wants you to do, but both of you are not married. He should not be in control of you. You talk as a person who doesn't have her own mind. I am not saying that it is too early for this man to have a say in your life, but your folks are behaving as if he should be in control of your life, even though both of you are not married. How do you know that this man would not give you a fight if you want to go to the States after you get married? You have confidence, and I am not saying that you shouldn't have confidence in him, but you should learn to have a mind of your own. I hope that this man does not disappoint you in any way in life in the future. I wish you well.

Pastor

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