Caught my husband in bed with the neighbour

November 16, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 43 years old and I never thought I would need your help. I am a married woman, and I am having problems with my husband.

I went out to help my sister, who wasn't feeling well, and in that one day, I came back to catch my neighbour, who is supposed to be my best friend, in my bed with my husband.

I could not believe my eyes. I told my husband that I wasn't sure that I would come home, but I never had proof that my husband and my friend were having an affair. We are like sisters. She is not married, and so she is always at my house. Sometimes when I cook, I call her over for a meal. She is not working. She doesn't have children, either. This woman is a big woman. She is older than me. She depends on her brother, who is in America, to support her. Pastor, these people were in the house and they didn't even lock the door. I didn't expect to see anything like what I saw. They were naked, and my husband is asking me to forgive him because she is the one who pushed herself on him. I asked him how could she do that in one day. He said she was always offering herself to him and he was always resisting her. When I saw them together, the woman stood up before me naked as the day she was born. She did not have any shame. I broke a bottle of beer and was going to stab her, but my husband asked me if I was crazy. She pulled on her pants and ran out of the house. I am so disappointed in my husband. He has let me down big time. I don't know what to do with him, so please give me your advice.


Dear T.E.,

I am sorry to know that your husband has let you down. You trusted him, and did not believe that he would have had sex with your neighbour, who is also your good friend.

I am a pastor, so you might be surprised at what I am going to tell you. When it comes to this matter of relationships, you should not trust anybody with your spouse. Women are always looking for good men. Some women admire married men, and when they see a married man who is a good family man, they wish that they could find a man like that; and many would do anything to get that man. She did not invite your husband into her house because she evidently was afraid that somebody would tell you that he went to her house.

But you were accustomed to having her come to your house, so anyone who saw her wouldn't say anything, because that is like her second house. I don't consider you careless with your husband, but I consider this woman very worthless, and your husband is very weak. He is not starved for sex, but it was one of his weak moments and she got him to do what she wanted. Perhaps she was hard up, because you say that she is not married, and perhaps she doesn't have a man. I hope that you will not withdraw yourself totally from your husband, because that is what she wants you to do. I would say, though, that you shouldn't have sex with your husband until you go to the doctor and make sure this woman did not pass on any disease to him. I know some people will say that you should leave your husband. I am not encouraging you to do so, but please don't be careless with your husband. I am glad that you did not get into a fight with this woman. If you had cut her up you could have been arrested. Let me hear what's happening. You and your husband should make an appointment with a family counsellor. Please do so early.


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