I was afraid of sex before I got married

November 11, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have been listening to you on the radio and, as usual, I read your column every day online. I wish I had the courage like you to answer some of the problems that face your writers. I am in a conservative church so I would be criticised for saying certain things. In my church, you would not hear anybody talk openly about sex or even say the word. The young people talk to me about these things all the time and I try to help them privately.

I am 29 years old and I have been married for three years. When I met first met this man, when he mentioned sex to me, I bowed my head. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that we didn't have to talk about that. I even went as far as to tell him that I was not sure that I could manage sex. He said I would do just fine. When we got married, I had a problem with him seeing me naked. I did not want to take off my clothes in front of him while the lights were on. We did not have sex before we got married. But when we started to have sex, it was such a beautiful thing. Now, we have a son together and we are planning to have another child as soon as I finish my doctorate.

I hope you will never stop doing the work that you are doing. My husband and I will continue to read your column and to listen to you on the radio.


Dear S.T.,

I thank you very much for your encouraging remarks. I continue to enjoy my work every day. And I am glad to hear from folks who say that they have been enjoying my column and my radio show. I am never bothered by what people may say about what I have written. I know that there are those who would agree and those who would not. Those who disagree with me have never deterred me from expressing how I feel about a matter. I must tell you that there was a time when the attacks on me were vicious, but I held my ground. There are many fundamentalist Christians. They are not practical people. But over the years, churches in Jamaica have changed. I remember so well how churches would condemn divorced people and say they will go to hell. I know that people still condemn divorced individuals, but I don't think that they sentence them to hell any more.

While certain religious people condemn young people, the young people have always turned to me for help and I am happy to help them.

You got married when you were about 26 years old and at that age, you found it difficult to discuss sex with your man. That was because you grew up in an environment where people thought that sex was nasty and to talk about it meant that you were not holy or sanctified. I am glad that you have changed. Even on your wedding night, you did not want your husband to see you naked. So you have come a long way. I am glad that you can now counsel young people. I wish you well. You are in a position to counsel folks in your age group and older. Keep well. I hope to hear from you again.


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