Boyfriend doesn’t know I had an abortion

November 11, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem. I come from a poor family. But my parents were very hard-working. I have two sisters and two brothers. We are all Christians, but not everybody has walked in my parents' footsteps. We are Christians, but not as dedicated as our parents. Although I do not have children, I have always liked men and my parents knew that and always warned me not to bring any belly home. I took that literally. When I got pregnant, I had an abortion. I have never got pregnant again.

Nobody in my family knew that I had an abortion. But, I told my boyfriend that I suspected that I was pregnant. He didn't believe me and I knew he would not want me to abort the pregnancy. So I borrowed the money and I found a doctor who did the abortion for me. My boyfriend suspected that something was wrong, so he asked me if I had an abortion and I told him yes. He called me a murderer and said he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He left me and I was without a boyfriend for over a year. He came back begging me to forgive him for leaving me. He said he thought that after he left that I would not have been able to pay my bills. But, I stopped buying clothes and false hair and doing my nails every other week.

I met a man and on my first date with him, he raised the matter of pregnancy and asked me if I was ever pregnant. I told him yes. He asked about the baby and I told him the baby died. He asked if I killed the baby and I told him no. There is where the argument stopped, but I know he figured out what happened. If he should raise the matter with me again, what should I say? Please tell me what I should do.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I have always said that a woman is under no obligation to tell a man everything about her past. It is totally up to you to decide whether you should tell this man that you terminated a pregnancy. But if the matter is haunting you, you can tell him the absolute truth. I would say that if he doesn't want to go further in the relationship, don't fight to keep him.


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