Do you think he is too old for me?

November 10, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope that you can help me. I am 21 years old and I am a university student. I did not want to attend university, I wanted to get a job and help my mother, but she would have none of it.

My mother has four children. I am the third one. My father and my mother are not married. My mother had two children before she met my father. I have a brother and a sister and they are for two different fathers, but these men were married. My mother protected them by not telling anybody that these men were the ones who got her pregnant.

When she got pregnant for the first time, she was very young, but this man supported her all the way. Unfortunately, he died in an accident. My mother said she could not attend the funeral. This man was from a middle-class family. Another man got involved with my mother, but he went away after she got pregnant by him.

My mother struggled to support my brother and sister and then my father came along; he was the poorest. He was just a farmer, but my mother loved him and he loved her. She went to live with him and I came along. I am my father's pet, but he has never made a lot of money. I had to promise my father when I was going to high school that I would not get involved with boyfriends and I didn't. I passed my exams and I told my mother that I would seek a job to help her.

My first sister got pregnant, so she is no longer with us. She is living with her boyfriend. I have gone out with different guys, but I have tried to prevent them from getting close to my 'quarter acre'. My parents wanted me to go to university, so I am working very hard to make them proud of me.

I have a man in my life. He is much older than I am, but I love him and he respects me. Tell me, Pastor, he is 10 years older than I am. Do you think he is too old for me?


Dear E.,

I do not believe that this man is too old for you, but I do not believe that you should be in a hurry to get married. At the same time, I do not want to imply that you should wait until you are very old to get married. Your desire to help your parents is commendable but I am glad they encourage you to put your education first. I have on many occasions said that no one can lose on education. It is the way forward. When a girl is educated, she has given herself the opportunity not only to support herself but also to help others. And other young women would look up to her for guidance. So, continue to work hard. You are an ambitious woman. Make sure that you do not listen to anybody who would try to hold you back in life.

Your parents have tried to support the family. Take good care of yourself. And let me hear from you again.


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