My Christian boyfriend anxious to see me naked

November 09, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I know that you are a family counsellor. I am 23 years old. I am in a relationship with a man who is 29 years old. The relationship has been going on for more than one year. We are Christians. The church we attend, I have been going there since I was born. The pastor christened me and baptised me. This man came into the church a year ago and, from the time he came, he fell in love with me. That is what he told me. I did not have my eyes on him. I was interested in someone else but that guy was in my age group and he was not ready to settle down and he was the flirty type.

My boyfriend is serious about life. He has never forced me to go to bed with him, although he has asked me if I would. I threatened to report him to the elders, so he backed off. Once I told him that he should go and get sanctified before talking to me again. I was only trying to run him away, but, in my heart, I love him so much. He does not know whether I am a man or woman. He visits me at our house, but my parents are always there. They don't peep at us because we are always in the living room watching television. We play games until it is time for him to leave. He says he is looking forward to seeing me. I told him that he sees me all the time. He said no, he is looking forward to seeing me naked. I am afraid of that.

He wants to go to the beach with me. But where can we go these days? I think of this man all the time and I wonder if I can manage a man. When he hugs me, I know he is sexually aroused. I don't know if it is right for us to feel that way as Christians. Sex before marriage is out. That is how I feel. He has promised that he will not force me. But I am scared of sex because I am still a virgin.

So, Counsellor, what is your advice to both of us?

K.J.

Dear K.J.,

Well, first of all, I am glad that you have found a man and he seems to be a good man. He did not come into the church seeking a woman, but he found you in the church. Good for him. Both of you love each other, but I would suggest that both of you spend time in counselling sessions long before you decide to tie the knot.

You should raise all of your concerns in the counselling session. It is not a bad thing to be concerned about your future with a man. I get the impression that you fantasise sometimes about this man. He has never seen you in the nude, nothing is wrong with that. At least that is something to look forward to. Some girls are so skimpily dressed that the only thing that is covered is the bare essentials.

You are not careless in the way you dress. But this man is anxious to see how you look without clothes. He needs not worry because the day will come when he will see all of you. You may think that you cannot cope with this man in bed but you wil l be just fine and that's another reason why both of you should go for counselling. Don't condemn your boyfriend. At least he tries to express himself to you the way he feels. You have strong feelings for him, too. It's just that you do not express them.

Pastor

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