Brother got my husband hooked on strip clubs

December 31, 2020

Dear Pastor,

This is first time I am writing to you and I am looking forward to receiving an answer; I always read your column. I am 24, my parents are from Jamaica but I was born in New York.

I got married two years ago and I was very excited. My husband is an American. I took him to Jamaica but while we were there, one of my brothers took him to a nightclub, and from that my husband became a changed man. My brother introduced my husband to strippers and then he told members of the family that my husband went wild with some of the girls.

My marriage almost broke up because we were supposed to be in Jamaica for one week and my husband wanted us to extend the time. My brother and I got into a big argument because he was pushing for us to extend the time so my husband could go back to those 'women'. Here in the US we don't go to these types of clubs.

My husband said the next time he is going back to Jamaica he is going without me. Imagine, my brother should be protecting my interests. Instead he allowed him to blow his money on those women. While we were in Jamaica, I refused to have sex with my husband, and when we got back to the US, I had him go to the doctor to test himself. I tried to get into his phone but he changed his password. However, I did get in because I have a clever friend who knows how to get into phones, and what I saw made me sick to the stomach. One girl was sitting on my husband and another was giving him oral sex. How could I allow this man to kiss me now?

My husband took me a clean girl. I was in church and now my brother has set up girls on him; this cannot be right. I am crying every day and now he is telling me that he is sorry and that it will not happen again, and he is blaming me for breaking into his phone and saying that if I did not, I would not have seen the photos to upset me.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

I have never encouraged people to try and know what his/her spouse has in their gallery. So while some may say that you have the right to know, I will still insist that although this man was having his fling, what he has in his phone is still private and he has a right to his privacy. Your brother thought that he was helping him to have a good time and your husband did have a good time, but your brother should have known that what the man did could break up a relationship.

I must tell you that if you want to save your marriage, try to convince your husband that both of you need to go and see a family counsellor and deal with the matter in his/her presence.

You saw your husband on video getting oral sex and you now swear that you would find it difficult to allow him to kiss you; he was not oral with this woman. I hope that both of you would go and get yourself tested although both of you have not had sex with each other for a while now. I beg you, go and see about yourself because I am afraid that if you continue to withdraw yourself from having sex with your husband, he will eventually turn away from you and have sex with other women and blame you for destroying the marriage.

Pastor

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