Mom wants me to marry a virgin

August 14, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old man and I am still living at home. My girlfriend is 26 and she thinks that I am a mama's boy. I have three sisters but they are all living abroad.

I am the last child for my mother. My father died when I was 10. My mother is a great Christian. When I turned 21, my mother told me that at my age, I should have a girlfriend.

She even started to look around for me and she was very smart. She would invite some of these girls to the house and leave us alone.

I got to like one of them and my mother was very happy with the relationship. This girl and I had good chemistry. We went off to college in Kingston.

My mother rented part of the house and helped to support me while I was in college. This girl's parents supported her, and she and two other girls rented an apartment together.

One holiday the other girls went to the country and my girlfriend and I decided we would leave also, but we would spend a night together. She had more experience than me.

We showered together and then it was 'experiment time'. She tied me up and anointed me. When I realised that I could not untangle myself, she mocked me but it was all fun.

It was the first time I was having real sex and I had to promise her that after graduation we would get married. That night I was helpless and she did all the work.

When I went home, I told my mother that I had made a commitment to marry this girl. But there is a problem. My mother asked me if she is a virgin and I said I did not know.

But this girl is not a virgin. My mother surprised me by telling me that the first thing that a young man should find out is if his girlfriend is a virgin.

Every time my mother and I talk about her, she asks me the same question.

Some weeks ago, my girlfriend told me that my mother asked her if she had boyfriends before me and she told her yes.

My mother told her that I was looking for a virgin and my girlfriend was very upset. That is when she accused me of being a mama's boy.

H.S.

Dear H.S.,

It is too late for your mother to be encouraging you to seek a virgin girl because she is the one who has encouraged you to find a woman.

At that time, she did not mention anything about a virgin. She encouraged you to have a relationship with this particular girl.

She invited other girls to the house, too, but this girl and you fell in love. This girl had other boyfriends before you and evidently went to bed with them.

When you were getting to know this girl, you did not question her about her virginity. By the time your mother talked about virginity, you and this girl had already had sex.

Frankly, I think your mother has gone too far and she should not have embarrassed the young woman by asking her if she was a virgin.

The questions that your mother asked were inappropriate. She is fortunate that the young woman did not insult her.

If this young woman ends the relationship with you, it is because of your mother. As I see it, if you genuinely love her, this virgin situation should not prevent you from marrying her.

So tell your mother most respectfully to butt out of your relationship.

Pastor

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