Don’t want my child raised by that thief

May 29, 2020

Dear Pastor

I am hoping that you can give me some advice. I was married and I got involved with another woman. This other woman works with me on my farm. There are two females who used to assist. I like all of them but one of them had a man, and I knew him to be a gangster, so I did not go far with her, although we had fun a couple times.

The other young lady is the one who got me into serious trouble because even when I did not tell her to come to work, she came. And one day I was alone and she showed up and brought me lunch. I was surprised to see her but I was also glad, and after I had the lunch I did not feel like working any longer. So we went in the little thatch house to rest and we spent some time together.

Another day when she came to work, the three other workers I had that day left for home so we were alone. She asked me if I never wanted something and I told her that I always wanted that good thing from her. That good thing got me in trouble because she got pregnant. And when people heard she was pregnant, they said that she must be pregnant for me because the other workers had already spread it around that she and I had a thing going.

The worker who has a man told my wife that the girl is pregnant and said that the child was mine.

I have four children with my wife, who is a Christian. She said to me that we are coming from far so I should just tell her the truth. So I told her the truth, and she separated herself from me and refused to sleep with me.

The young lady had the baby but the baby was not registered in my name. When it was time for the child to go to school, I told her that she should not be afraid to call my name and to say I am the father, so she did. I feel ashamed that I let down my family and myself. I can't give up my child because she is not responsible for what happened. My oldest daughter has refused to accept her as her sister.


The mother still comes and helps me on the farm and I treat her well, but when everybody is leaving, she leaves with them. My wife asked me why she has to work with me. I told her when she works with me she can have time to take care of the child because she does not have to work all day. And I pay her the same amount of money I give to the others, because I know that we have a child together. I know that this woman still loves me but I have tried my best not to do what we used to do.

She told me recently about a man who likes her, but I told her not to get involved with him because I don't want my daughter to grow up around him because he is a thief. She told me that I have to find a place to put her and her daughter.

Please for your advice.


Dear N.G.,

Are you not afraid that your wife would see this letter? Perhaps you feel that the time has come for you to speak your mind because your wife has already forgiven you. Your concern is that you want your daughter to grow up in a stable home and to be taken care of. I am sure that you want her to have a good education and for the children you have with your wife to accept her. I am sure that will come as the children get older and realise that you made a mistake but you manned up and accepted the child.

One of these days you will have to talk to each of your children and admit to them how embarrassing it has been for you to father a child outside of the marriage. You will not have to give them the details of how it happened but you need to tell them that you are not proud of what happened. Let them know their mother has forgiven you and you are asking them for forgiveness, and for them to accept this child as a part of the family. I believe that you have a moral duty to do so.

This woman who is your child's mother has told you that another man is interested in her, but you are very much against such a relationship. You do not want this man to live in the same house with your daughter. Some people may think that you do not have a say in what this woman does, but her mother knows that you have a say and that is why she has spoken to you about it. She told you that you should put her daughter and herself somewhere you would feel comfortable about because you do not like the guy who likes her.

I believe that your child's mother is correct. If you are financially able to purchase a piece of property for your daughter and her mother to live, you should do so. However, it should be purchased in your name and their names. A real estate lawyer could advise you on how to go about that.


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