He’s a deadbeat dad

May 28, 2020

Dear Pastor

Greetings to you in the precious name of Jesus. I enjoy reading your column. I am in my early 30s and I have one child for a deadbeat father. When this child was born he gave me money to buy pampers then he disappeared. I called him and told him that I was greatly in need but he did not respond. My eldest brother, who is a Christian, played the role of father to my child. He did not condemn me, as others did. He and his wife took the child when he was two and half months old to their church and blessed him.

I was still living at home with my mother but every opportunity she got she cursed me. She used to sell in the market, and one evening when she came from the market she told me that she heard that my child's father was living with a woman in St Elizabeth, and she started the cursing again.

I did not say anything to my mother. I was tired of her condemnation. My son is growing up nicely and he is living at my brother's home. I don't know what I would have done without my brother and his wife.

I am now working and in love with another man.

Initials withheld by request.

Dear Writer,

Unfortunately, you got pregnant by an irresponsible and worthless man. He accepted paternity but he ran away from his responsibility. He should have been happy to have a child, and as you know, I am sure, that men love to brag about having fathered a male child. But perhaps the reason he ran away was that he believed that you would have demanded a lot from him, and he probably was having an intimate relationship with the other woman he went to live with.

I don't need to tell you that you have a wonderful brother and a great sister-in-law. Your brother took over and supported your son from the time he was born. He did not have to do so, but he did it because he loves you and he knew that you're a good sister who fell into the wrong man's hands. His wife should be commended also, because she could have objected to his helping you. Just as your mother was cursing you, she could have done the same thing. Your mother has been very rough on you and she failed to understand that no one is perfect. And everybody makes mistakes.

I am glad that you are working and that you have another man in your life. I hope that he is a much better man than your child's father. And I also hope that you know much more about him than your child's father. Be very careful not to allow this man to get you pregnant unless he is married to you.

I hope your son will grow up to love you and to love his uncle, and I also hope that the man you now have will love your son and treat him well. Take good care of yourself.


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