Want to leave my husband but afraid he’ll kill me

January 22, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am having a hard time getting along with my husband. I would like to tell him that I want to move on, but I am afraid that he would kill me.

Our relationship is not working because he is cheating and he expects me to just accept what he is doing. We have been married for 16 years, but I don't want to go any further in this relationship.

We don't have sex. When I cook, he eats. I wash his clothes and we sleep in the same bed, but he doesn't touch me or talk to me. He says 'hi' or 'bye', but nothing else.

What do you suggest that I should do?


Dear Writer,

You said that you are having a hard time getting along with your husband, but you haven't explained what are the problems.

You haven't said whether this man is verbally or physically abusing you. Yet you say that you want to move on but you are afraid that your husband would kill you.

You haven't said whether this man has threatened to kill you, but after 16 years of marriage, you should know your husband fairly well.

From what you have written, he doesn't have any interest in this marriage anymore. But both of you do not communicate, and communication in a relationship is very important.

I would suggest that you try to break the ice and let your husband know that you would like the both of you to make an appointment to see a counsellor.

That counsellor could listen and make suggestions and see whether your husband and yourself could make adjustments in your marriage and try to live in peace.

If this man has threatened to kill you, I would suggest that you report the matter to the police. No one should take a threat lightly.

But he hasn't, so you should try to encourage him to meet with a family counsellor.

Having said the above, if you believe at any time that your life is in danger and your husband may kill you, you ought to report him to the police, and also to tell a couple of people who are related to you.

You should also get some advice from your lawyer as to how you may leave this man. Never take a threat lightly. I wish you well.


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